College Grads: Quarter Life Crisis in America!!

Graduating from college sucks because you are thrown into the “real world” which is just a fancy word for hell. Working in a cubicle for 40+ hours a week while paying off student loans at $12/hr is a sh#ty way of life. Shoot me in the face. Some people can stand it, but I didn’t sign up to sit in front of a computer, get obese, and obtain diabetes. While at the same time being being controlled by A-holes with low T. I guess it’s time to apply for that stripper job I always see posted on Craigslist. At least they probably don’t drug test…

Right now, with a college degree, you can either get a minimum wage paying job at Burger King… or a minimum wage paying job working 60 hour weeks at a call center. I know, it’s called “getting your foot in the door,” but the work/pay scale is ridiculous and life is worth a little more to me. But wait- even if you wanted that S###y job, you can’t get it anyway. We have outsourced every job in America.

If life really sucks and you’re jobless & ugly, with morals, there is always option C (living at home). I choose option C!

Reasons why being in your Mid 20’s sucks:

1) With a college degree, you can either get a minimum wage paying job at Burger King… or a minimum wage paying job at a call center. Your only other options to make real money are to find a sugar daddy, strip, or invent something.

2) You’re in a rapid and awkward transition from youth to ugly.

3) The club scene now freaks you out and drinking alone and smoking pot is more fun.

4) You’re starting to realize that smoking cigarettes and taking Adderall should probably be discontinued but you don’t want to stop either.

5) The amount of student loan and credit card debt you’re in is ridiculously high and probably not a penny of that debt went towards good use.

6) Belly fat. Wtf?

7) All you really want is to win the lottery, be on reality television, or find some non-legitimate way to make millions. You would buy a lottery ticket but you’re stoned and don’t feel like getting going to get one.

Reasons why being in your mid 20’s doesn’t suck.

1) You can usually still get laid, even if you don’t have a car, job, or money. You just have to spend more time online finding someone and hope you don’t get AIDS.

2) Miley Cyrus is now 18 and you’re not out of that +/-10 year age difference for a lawsuit.

Other reasons? Please comment.

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.