CONGRATULATIONS, BP!! You’ve made the worst oil spill disaster in American history last for 100 days! Many people presumed that only greedy capitalists who are masters at playing dumb and making idiotic decisions could have made the tragedy last this long. You’ve definitely proved them wrong.
I also want to congratulate BP CEO Tony Hayward on his highly anticipated resignation! Not only will you be getting an outstanding [and well-deserved!] severance package of about $18 million, but as of October 1st you will finally be able to “get [your] life back” and stop putting up with the small, expendable people of the world. I feel so much better knowing that you will be able to find happiness again.
Here’s a quick recap of some more of BP’s notable and recent accomplishments in the weeks leading up to the 100th day of the oil spill:
** Most of the surface oil is now gone. AWESOME NEWS! Let’s just forget the fact that this is due to toxic dispersant that are polluting the water, mixing with the oil, and causing it to form water-soluble micelles that are rapidly diluted then spread throughout a larger volume of water that is beneath the surface.
** A recent Oxford Economics study that was conducted for the US Travel Association estimated that the BP oil spill will impact the tourist revenue of the Gulf Coast region and ultimately cause it to lose $22.7 billion. But hey, at least it’s not $30 billion, right? That would just be too much and maybe a cause for concern.