There is nothing more innocent and precious than a newborn. There is also nothing more tasteless and vulgar than a dead baby joke. Here are some of my favorite dead baby jokes as well as some obnoxious and tasteless baby pics. If you have one I haven’t mentioned, please share your favorites in the comments! BTW- Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?!

What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.

How is a baby like a grape?
They both give a little wine when you squish them.

What is charred black and smells really bad?
A baby chewing on an extension cord.

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

What’s red and sits in a highchair convulsing?
A baby eating razor-blades.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
Make a coffee table.

What’s funnier than throwing a dead baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork

What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
Getting it out of the tires.

Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.

What’s pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.

What is brown and keeps it’s juices in?
A baby in an oven bag.

What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.

What’s worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of placenta?
You can’t gargle gravel.

How do you make a dead baby float?
One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby.

What is the difference between an orgasm and a pulse?

…I don’t care if a baby has either..

How do you get spray paint out of a baby’s eye?




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