[creepy as hell]

From Simmons book,

“I could recognize a package of bacon at twenty feet. The strips of bacon looked so weak, so flimsy, so sad, until they hit the frying pan. Then they began swimming and dancing, lacing up at the sides and turning golden brown.”

Now onto Mother’s Day,

Sadly, I ordered flowers and my mother didn’t receive them. I asked if she wanted something tangible in place of the flowers. The email back read:

“I would like a Richard Simmons exercise DVD. He has lively ones with good music. Stop laughing. I could do it over the summer. Something with strength building, not just aerobics.”

I told my mom that she was absolutely insane and that Richard Simmons was outdated.  She wrote back:

“If you can find a better DVD with cool music, that would be great, but not any RAP stuff.  Simmons is still making DVDs.”

The only DVD’s I found were from the 80’s on amazon, all under $10 new.  The hardcover book (pictured above)  runs used for .01 cent’

BTW- if you’ve never seen a Richard Simmons video, the above will amaze you.



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  1. “I might as well be gay. And not just because I love rhinestones and Barbara Streisand. But because I’m a sensitive person who is supportive of gay people the same way I’m sensitive to grossly obese people and ugly people.”

  2. Dear Dezzi,

    As a child I remember going with my mom to our church where she would do group exercise with other mothers, courtesy of Richard’s fantastic instructional videos. Your mother has good taste. If you don’t feel like buying any of his videos…i know that Suze has a few back home that she might be able to share with you.

    yours always and forever,


  3. i dunno what i like better: (1) set in a food court scene (2)people pretending to be food court workers (3) people dancing in background like they would usually go to a food court and do that. like whatever. so unrealistic. pshhh

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