Before I begin making fun of Planet Fitness, one of the worst gyms in existence, I must admit that I did once have a membership there [how else would I know it sucks?] But I have since been freed and go to a new gym [with classes!] All of the following pictures are straight from my phone:
1. Pizza Monday
Welcome to Planet Fatness, where on the first Monday night of each month you’re presented with stacks of greasy pizza boxes as soon as you walk in the door. On the first Tuesday morning, it’s bagels. These little “perks” have got to be two of the most hypocritical, counter-productive selling-points of a “health club” that I’ve ever seen. I mean.. seriously?! With free Pizza Monday’s and Bagel Tuesday’s.. you’re more likely to put on an ass than lose it at Planet Fitness.
By claiming to be a “judgement-free zone,” Planet Fitness appeals to the “novice” gym-goer. It offers a friendly environment for newbies to learn the ropes of exercise without being judged by others who are in better shape. Consequently, this means that around 80% of its members are over-weight (at least at my gym). Now don’t read me wrong. PF has a good idea here.. it’s just being horribly executed. Leaving a jar full of tootsie rolls on the front counter and giving members an endless buffet of free pizza once a month is nothing more than a sleazy marketing ploy used to lure new people to the gym so that PF makes more money. Planet Fitness sends a detrimental message to it’s already unhealthy and obese members that eating junk food is OK as long as you’re working out. It’s obvious that they’re more concerned with profit than actually helping over-weight people get in shape.
2. The Lunk Alarm
Lifting free weights? Don’t breathe!! The lunk alarm looms directly above the free weight section and is just waiting to hear you grunt or set a weight down too hard. Mind you, grunting is a natural physical reaction to an intense, fast-paced work-out.. but that doesn’t matter here. I’ve never actually seen this stupid alarm go off (Luckily, I don’t think they use it at my gym) but according to friend’s and members at other gyms, this ugly contraption flashes a purple light and beeps loudly whenever someone is being too noisy. A screeching siren to keep the gym quiet? Now that’s a smart idea.
3. Stupid Signs
Oh, PF.. you so cute & funny! These dumb signs are a newer addition to the gym that try a little too hard to reinforce the fact that it’s for novices: “Not allowed to hold a baby for fear you might crush them? This ain’t your gym” and “Commonly refer to steroids as breakfast? That’s ain’t your gym” Hmm.. a ‘judgement-free’ gym that judges people with muscles? Wrap your brain around that.
4. Hideous Color Scheme
I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that everything Planet Fitness is purple or yellow. EVERYTHING. I remember the first time I walked into PF and how thrown off / repelled I was by their awful color design. It’s something you never really get over and, unless you’re color-blind, it’s non-legitimacy speaks for itself.
5. Free Gym Bag
I always thought my life was missing something, then I got a free gym bag for switching my payment method to direct checking account draft! Now my life is complete. All worries and problems have instantly vanished. All thanks to PF and their cheaply made, $2 gym bag from China.
6. Classes (or lack thereof)
As you can see, Physical Education at Planet Fitness is always free. And for good reason. The ‘classes’ at PF meet at an aluminum table underneath a tacky, hanging sign that says “class meets here.” So yea, it’s a good thing you don’t have to pay anything extra for that. While practically every other fitness center chain in America offers a large variety of high-intensity work-out programs that meet in their own private rooms, PF takes a group of 2-3 people to a few random machines around the gym and passes it off as a ‘class.’ I’d rather have a dodge ball hit my face.